It's been some time since I logged on here. Something at which I know I should be more diligent. Since last I wrote I started a new job, which I hate, and turned 50, about which I have mixed feelings. Hitting the half century mark gives one an opportunity to evaluate their position in life. With the exception of the 12 hours I spend commuting to and from work and being at work, which I lovingly refer to as hell, I like my life. Funny I know since I spend 7 of the remaining 12 hours each day asleep. I like where I live even if it does mean awful commute many days. I have a good companion in Mojo, activities that I enjoy and good friends. Now if I could only get the remaining 12 hours on track life would be great.
It has taken me a good part of my adult life to be able to say that. I am after all half Italian. If you ever asked an old Italian grandmother how they were feeling they might respond with - "not bad" but they would never say they were doing well. To say that would be tempting the fates and call ill will upon them. I have lived my life following that premise. You don't want to be too happy for fear something bad will happen. Ok, well life's too short for that. That is where the reinventing myself comes in.
As was bound to happen eventually, I am one of the older people at my place of employment. However, unlike centuries past I am not respected for my life experience but seen by the 12 year olds with whom I work as someone who knows little about which I speak. I have spent the bulk of my career around children so I should be used to that. Up to this point though, I have been the one in the position of seniority not the other way around. Not so sure I like that. Despite what I think often, I am told I have accomplished a lot in my life as far as my education and that it was very valuable. I don't feel as if I have used that education to its maximum potential. Hence the need to reinvent myself. I need to take a hard look at my skills and put them out there to be used. I have discovered I don't like working for an organization where profit is the bottom line. I don't have nor have I ever wanted an MBA. I have never desired to be on the Fortune 500 list and to me the Financial Times is just a pretty pink newspaper (is it even published anymore?) I have to work somewhere where I am doing good for others not just the CEO. I work in a city with people who a full of their own self-importance. Always knew that but it really hit home overhearing conversations on the street and on public transit. While self worth might be important for my own mental health I am not about to broadcast it to others. Everyone is equal in my eyes no one person more valuable than any other. Now all I have to do is figure out how to best market my considerable skills and decide what I want to be when I grow up.